May 06

Networking: Hot Air or Cool Breeze?

Last week I attended a teleconference on the subject of networking – or, in their definition, “the process of accumulating social capital through our personal and professional associations.” UGH!

There was a lot of talk about getting in front of the right people by going to the events they go to. A lot was said about making them the center of your attention by asking a lot of questions. Great emphasis was put on not talking too much and listening a lot. There was a clever acronym, GAINS, to help us remember to focus all conversations on Goals, Accomplishments, Interests, Network and Skills.

Here are extra thoughts on the subject:

1. Don’t use phrases like “social capital.” They turn people into objects and you into a machine. We don’t have social capital. We have relationships. Go for creating and maintaining great relationships with people interested in helping other people. Everyone wins that way.

2. Asking a lot of questions can easily feel like interrogation to the listener. Sometimes they seem like blasts of hot air intended to warm me up to (or for) my interrogator. Let’s simplify: Just look for a connection point – on any subject - and have a conversation. That means, sometimes I’ll talk and sometimes you’ll talk. It’s simple.

3. Networking is nothing more complicated than discovering, establishing and strengthening relationships. And – relationships require a sharing of ideas and resources from both sides. One sided questioning is old school. Let’s relegate it to the history books.

4. Direct questions are often appreciated. Assume you’re talking with a seasoned businessperson. Ask flat out, “What kind of help or resources would you most like to find these days?” Or, more creatively, “If I were your genie and could give you precisely what you need, what would you ask for?” Then listen and offer some help, if you can.

5. Much was said about “getting in front of people.” The key to networking is not getting in front of people; it is getting behind them. Smart networking is the process of caring about someone else’s success and offering them connection with someone who can help them. Sometimes that is you. Sometimes it isn’t. We can’t help everyone.

Still, for the person in front of you, however long that is, two sips of a beer or the course of a career, talk with them with one intention only – helping them. Givers gain.

6. Generosity is the foundation of smart networking. If your questions have generosity fueling them – ask away. If they have “gimme gimme gimme” at their heart – stay home.

Don’t kid yourself; the person in front of you has been around long enough to quickly sense hot air. Networking is NOT about getting in front of people. It’s about being behind them – like a cool breeze at their backs, helping them along their paths.

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