David Facer | Activate Potential

BIG LIFE
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FREEDOM AND THE 800-POUND GORILLA

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We Americans live in an intense culture. It values incessant motion and strobe-like flashes of hard words and simple ideas. No matter what the privacy policies say, it’s a culture of very little privacy. (Why do you think we like gated communities so well?)

And, for all the advantages, like the freedoms many of us enjoy on a moment to moment basis, I think it’s a culture of such chronic busy-ness that it’s inched past the threshold of pathology. I’ve seen it lead to physical ailment and debilitation of spirit too often. And yet, I believe we can choose which gods we worship; exhaustion or something else. Freedom is, after all, among our dearest values. Last month an online magazine published one of my articles. I was, without an ounce of exaggeration, excited to the point of shouting, “Yahoooo! Yyyyyippeeeeeeeeee!” at the top of my lungs. I was so happy and proud. The journey of building a business acquaints one with valleys,peaks and extended uphill grades. Getting that article published was a major peak.

So, I giddily announced the news to my world of friends and acquaintances and got some interesting responses. Several people called to share my joy. Some sent well-wishes via email. Those emails and calls were like sharing pieces of celebration cake across the vast distances that keep us from touching one another physically - allowing us to touch internally, in those deep and private places where we protect the crown jewels of our beloved relationships.

Quite a few people wrote to say that upon following the link to the web site where the article was published, they decided not to go so far as to read it because the site required that they subscribe. They said that they didn’t want to do that because they get enough email as it is. I could feel them bristle. I felt sad. What struck me was how the hassle of subscribing to a newsletter trumped bearing witness to friend’s success. Having witnesses to our terrestrial successes and spiritual magnificence is one of the primary fuels for our existence. The utmost loneliness and lost-ness is felt by people with too few witnesses to the experiences of their lives, however mundane. I could almost see them wilt from the thought of getting one more unwanted email, which was a bigger problem than reading my article might be a pleasure.

On the flip side, I also saw these decisions as strong efforts to keep in place boundaries against overwhelm. Outstanding! Healthy boundaries are a big part of navigating everyday life maturely. They help create a personal space and inner spaciousness in a crowding culture. Have you noticed how the culture seems to lean into our personal space, figuratively forcing us to raise our hands in a stop-sign gesture and hold it back with rigid arms?

What struck me saddest was that the system scored a victory; the 800 pound gorilla of commercialism had, in fact, won. That stress kept those people from going to a new place to have a new experience (and maybe even enjoy the article) because their memory told them danger lurked there. In this case, danger was added weariness from yet more sales pitches.

I couldn’t help feeling a little frustrated, too, as I do when I see people worshipping too-small gods. I thought, “There are more options here.” There was greater freedom available than I saw driving those decisions. I feel sad when people are so overwhelmed by our culture’s notorious commercial pressure that they avoid connection. I feel sad that companies are so desperate for more money that they’ve decided it’s okay to bust through the dinnertime communion of families, many connecting for the first time all day, in order to pitch the newest mortgage product.

From another angle, I feel sad, and sometimes mad, when I hear people blasting the American culture for these things without remembering that an equal, if not greater force lives within us and is available within the very culture that feels oppressive. What forms could this force have taken in the case of reading my article? Well, the form of perhaps the greatest human freedom; the freedom of creative thinking. One creative option was to sign up for the newsletter, enjoy the article, accept the usual, “Welcome, New Subscriber” emails and promptly unsubscribe. Unfortunately, in most of the refusals, some form of Spam, some form of imminent pain was top of mind.

Another creative option, which is in the category of alternatives usually scoffed at, was to simply decide not to be so frustrated by the solicitations and just ignore them. I have good spam-killing software on my computer. I’ve trained myself to hit delete and not think about whatever new dose of Viagra or anatomy-enlarging (or shrinking) product they’re hawking these days. Yet another option, which I’m so glad two people saw, was to request that the article be sent in the body of a regular email. This seemed to me to demonstrate a wondrous blend of participation, selfishness and generosity. These folks kept important boundaries in place and still shared in the party.

Another option is for (them to tell) me to chill out and not think so much about these things. After all, it is Saturday, and I do live near the beach! Alas, I cannot and do not wish to escape myself. I enjoy my insights, such as they are, and helping people live more easily in the world. I like seeing the fronds of a 40-foot tall palm tree wave in the breeze the way Queen Elizabeth twists her forearm to wave to a crowd. I like stepping over ants to avoid crushing them on a brisk walk in Balboa Park. And my friends like their privacy and the healthy orders they’ve constructed to make it through their days with the fewest hassles.

We can create openness for more peacefulness and vigor in our lives by resisting binary and dualistic thinking - thinking that leaves us with the unfortunate and too-limited choices of either/or, this or that, on or off, up or down.

I encourage people to consider a dimmer switch instead of an on/off lever when seeking options. When it comes to finding ways to have it all, the idea of a dimmer allows greater freedom.

We don’t have to be a victim to this If-It’s-Breathing-Sell-It-Something culture.

We can choose bigger gods to worship. We can choose to cultivate inner peace instead of junk-mail induced malaise. We can choose community over resistance. We can choose to simply ignore the phone’s bleating during the dinner hour, or all evening for that matter, if we are determined to create an uninterruptible space for family togetherness. We can choose to use the web as a tool and selfishly employ its technology to protect us against its intrusions. We can create openness for more peacefulness and vigor in our lives by resisting binary and dualistic thinking - thinking that leaves us with the unfortunate and too-limited choices of either/or, this or that, on or off, up or down. I encourage people to consider a dimmer switch instead of an on/off lever when seeking options. When it comes to finding ways to have it all, the idea of a dimmer allows greater freedom.

Or, think in terms of a prism. Put the question or quandary you’re experiencing through a prism and see how many options split out. As with light, I find that there is always a spectrum of potential outcomes. We can be much freer, and therefore more connected in this culture than is often imagined. Don’t succumb. Participate fully by making more creative choices than ones that leave you (and maybe us) separate.

I love my family and friends. I am grateful that so many of them shared my little victory. I can’t wait for them to read this month’s article. Another one was published! And don’t worry...I promise to paste it into an email.

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