Ask and You May Receive

It's certainly no guarantee when you ask for something you will receive it. However, it does help your chances a great deal.

Not long ago I asked Ken Blanchard if he'd meet me for a drink or dinner or something - and he said yes. Last week I received an email confirming the date - June 16.

Now, I gotta tell ya, the room we first crossed paths in was full with about 80 people. A great many people talked with him that day, yet I did not hear anyone else ask him to lunch or such. Maybe the people who wanted to meet with him phoned him instead. Perhaps they sent letters? I don't imagine I'm the only person who thought, "Gee wiz, it would be a thrill, treat and an honor to talk with this guy for a little while. I'll ask him to dinner and see what happens." I mean, really!

I say, just ask. You want to meet Rudy Guliani, Donald Trump, the president of your company? Call him up. You want to have a meeting with the most famous businesswoman in your city? Call her up. How about the head of your church? Just ask. How about that big business prospect you've been hoping to meet? Call. Just call.

My father likes to say that these people put their pants on just like I do, one leg at a time. It's true. In fact, consider that these folks, these people who are further down some paths than we are, may in fact outright enjoy the invitation from someone who just wants to learn from them. It's an honor to share one's knowledge and wisdom with others.

Just ask - you may just receive what you ask for.

It ain't poetic, but it's a good idea anyway from some guy named Michael - Jordan. "Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it."

I'll say hi to Ken for you.

Clever Quote

In life you are given two ends, one to think with and the other to sit on. Success in life depends on which end you use most. Heads you win, tails you lose.

- Conrad Burns, US Senator, Montana

Is It Possible To Be Perfect?

Today I emailed the latest Extra Oomph! newsletter to clients. I wrote it in just half an hour this morning, before my first meeting of the day. Half an hour is half the time it usually takes me. Plus the article is on an important subject, how to create lasting relationships via our sales efforts. Overall, I was happy for the content and the efficiency with which it was produced.

Not long after, I got an email from a client pointing out two errors. One was a missing word and the second was the misinterpretation of the creative use of an exclamation point. To me, there was one error, to him, two.

The perplexing thing is, I read and reread the newsletter at least four times before hitting send. Four times and still there was an error in it!

Earlier today I sent an email to the director of a masters program pointing out two spelling errors in one of his emails. I find spelling errors particularly disappointing considering that pushing a single button catches a lot of them - and these were the sort that would have been caught.

The director told me he inadvertently sent the draft version. When we meet tomorrow I'll tell him I understand how errors happen; I proofed my Extra Oomph! issue four times! I expect we'll both laugh.

All this got me to thinking - Is it possible to be perfect all the time?

I think the short and true answer is no. So, here's what I have decided to do: pay attention to the big stuff when the big stuff is the vast majority of what matters, and glance past the small stuff, since very often it really doesn't matter as much. I've decided to practice being less hard on others, and myself, while maintaining high standards.

I have decided to rededicate myself to first crediting people and companies for the essence of what they do, for their intentions first, paying attention to the details after that. That way I don't become judgmental to the point of missing the big point. That way I give first priority to honoring something and someone.

Last night a friend told me I am uptight. She said it in jest and we all laughed, knowing she isn't mostly wrong. That uptightness helps me get a lot of things right. But, I doubt more of it would help me get even more right.

I hope you strive, as I do, for perfection. It's a good and worthy goal. It does, however, remain an ideal and so is inherently difficult to achieve over time. One could argue that the more you do, the higher the stakes you'll not be perfect. And anyway, we don't see everything. We don't catch everything. In all our efforts, may the vast majority be of exceptionally high quality. I bet most of them are already. But, it's impossible for them all to be perfect. And that's the point.

Keep striving. Keep improving. Keep going. Those are the important things.

Meeting Heroes and Icons

Have you ever met an icon - one of the greats in your profession? Have you met one of your heroes, that person who seems to have mastered the realm you work in, that man or woman who has earned their way to the center of your industry, the sage elder teacher? Yesterday I did.

At a meeting for the University of San Diego Masters of Science in Executive Leadership program, I met Ken Blanchard.

More than anything, I wanted to express my gratitude; his deep study of management science helps me in every area of my executive coaching work. Doubtless, he is as influential in the area of management and leadership as Tom Peters and Jack Welch.

Blanchard's most recent teaching takes the form of stories and this is where he proves his evolution from expert to master. Stories are how humans have learned from the very beginning of social time. Predating written language, which is a very recent invention relative to the oral tradition, stories remain the method for learning not only the technical aspects of a craft or subject, but the emotional aspects, too. Have you ever noticed that after-dinner speakers don't teach five simple ways to anything? No. They tell stories. They blend inspiration and entertainment with information. Stories allow a synthesis of science and spirit not possible in our facile, ten-fast-steps-to-success-(and-oh-by-the-way-results-not-typical) business and teaching systems.

We've taken textbook writing over the edge. We want How-To lists and bulletized recipes for everything. Yet, having a schematic to a car does not make us masterful builders or drivers. A recipe for triple-berry tart with clove custard doesn't instantly get me on dessert staff at the Ritz.

Stories tell us this. They use more words and so slow us down. This has the effect of reminding us the journey to mastery is walked in many steps over time, and over and over - over time. Among Blanchard's many books, Gung Ho! and High Five! are good stories about leaders wrestling with everyday life and business issues - and how they came to solve them. Immerse yourself in these books sometime. You will find in them wise friends guiding you on the path of discovery in a way textbook writers cannot achieve.

Technical how-to lists have their place; I write them myself. But, they are like paint by numbers, simply primers for creating something more substantial.

After breakfast, I thanked Ken and asked him to lunch. (I think I was the only one who did.) Naturally, he warned me his schedule is crazy before offering his email address and asking that I remind him that we talked. I just know he'll say yes.

What a thrill, this chance to sit toe to toe with one of the masters. It's a rare honor, humbling and invigorating - and one I intend to savor.

What You See is What You Get

Today, a new client announced he will take a break from our work together. He decided to reallocate some business development money to another program.

Immediately, I was disappointed.

What is interesting is not the details about why he is taking a break. Rather, what is most interesting is how deflated I felt and what happened next.

After the fog of disappointment crept in, I became very unproductive. Veeeeeeeery unproductive. At first I just swore a few times. The swearing led to pacing, which led to staring at my forecast, which led to a kind of mental swirl of negative thoughts. What did I do wrong? Why do people always think in on/off terms? Forgetting all my clients are referred to me, I worried, "Where does my next client come from? Damn!"

Eventually, I lifted my gaze and saw a Success Board I made just this weekend. It is a framed collage of images and phrases that keep me inspired and moving forward.

The board worked as it is supposed to. It helped me focus on ideas, attitudes and behaviors that are productive. I read phrases like, "Break through to the next level" and "We get into trouble by ignoring our instincts." There are images of a yellow Jeep (my adult size Tonka toy), Mount Rushmore (reminding me of BIG Ideas) and a serene Buddha. Smack in the center is the statement, "I'm relentless."

When I centered my attention on "I'm relentless", the fog really started thinning out. Shortly thereafter I began this entry and was back up to speed. What is the wisdom here?

1. The images directly in front of us are crucial to our inspiration levels. What we look at either drags us down or lifts us up.
2. My inspiration level is linked, like the aorta to the heart, to my productivity level.
3. Downers happen. They are part of living. Staying down is no way to rise above them.

I have since added this phrase to my Success Board:

Get up! Get going! Get there!

Ahhhhhhhh. Must jet now. So much more to do.

Networking: Hot Air or Cool Breeze?

Last week I attended a teleconference on the subject of networking – or, in their definition, “the process of accumulating social capital through our personal and professional associations.” UGH!

There was a lot of talk about getting in front of the right people by going to the events they go to. A lot was said about making them the center of your attention by asking a lot of questions. Great emphasis was put on not talking too much and listening a lot. There was a clever acronym, GAINS, to help us remember to focus all conversations on Goals, Accomplishments, Interests, Network and Skills.

Here are extra thoughts on the subject:

1. Don’t use phrases like “social capital.” They turn people into objects and you into a machine. We don’t have social capital. We have relationships. Go for creating and maintaining great relationships with people interested in helping other people. Everyone wins that way.

2. Asking a lot of questions can easily feel like interrogation to the listener. Sometimes they seem like blasts of hot air intended to warm me up to (or for) my interrogator. Let’s simplify: Just look for a connection point – on any subject - and have a conversation. That means, sometimes I’ll talk and sometimes you’ll talk. It’s simple.

3. Networking is nothing more complicated than discovering, establishing and strengthening relationships. And – relationships require a sharing of ideas and resources from both sides. One sided questioning is old school. Let’s relegate it to the history books.

4. Direct questions are often appreciated. Assume you’re talking with a seasoned businessperson. Ask flat out, “What kind of help or resources would you most like to find these days?” Or, more creatively, “If I were your genie and could give you precisely what you need, what would you ask for?” Then listen and offer some help, if you can.

5. Much was said about "getting in front of people." The key to networking is not getting in front of people; it is getting behind them. Smart networking is the process of caring about someone else’s success and offering them connection with someone who can help them. Sometimes that is you. Sometimes it isn’t. We can’t help everyone.

Still, for the person in front of you, however long that is, two sips of a beer or the course of a career, talk with them with one intention only – helping them. Givers gain.

6. Generosity is the foundation of smart networking. If your questions have generosity fueling them – ask away. If they have “gimme gimme gimme” at their heart – stay home.

Don’t kid yourself; the person in front of you has been around long enough to quickly sense hot air. Networking is NOT about getting in front of people. It’s about being behind them – like a cool breeze at their backs, helping them along their paths.

Part II - What Are You Weeding OUT?

This is Part II of the post: What Are You Growing?

Last week I asked the question, “What are you growing?” This week’s question is, “What are you weeding OUT?” It’s good to ask these questions together, as if they were Siamese.

The “growing” question deals with what the items on your to-do list are helping you create, right? Well, not always. Sometimes they keep us stuck, hence the second question.

After reading last week’s Extra Oomph!, a client told me while he enjoyed the article, he was pretty much buried by his to-do list. There was nothing he could do because all the items on the list needed to get done. I said, “Yes. I understand. But, by whom?”

He told me by him because no one else could. But, the bigger question he needs to look at is, “Who should do those things, the president of the company, or someone else?” I wonder; if the president is fire fighting all the time, who is working on building a fire resistant company and on fire prevention?

I said, with a gentle poke, “Your biggest problem is not a to-do list as long as your arm. Your stategic problem is that you’re under-staffed.” Then I asked how can he attend to that problem when he is buried in his to-do list?

As I said last week, more often than not, to-do lists focus on short term needs. Something else has to add a focus on the longer-term and strategic.

Weed Killer
Since my client likes lists, he needs another kind, too, so he can create a fire resistant company (one that responds faster and with greater ease in the future). That list is the To-Don’t List.

If the to-do is about what you will do, the To-Don’t List is about what you refuse to do any more. One chap called this his delegation list. Certainly, delegate. Trouble for my client is, he doesn’t have someone to delegate to. Plus, he's in the habit of being the go-to guy on every question. One item for his To-Do List should be, “Accelerate hiring new manager.” The Siamese item on his To-Don’t List could be, “Allow manager position to go unfilled beyond May xx, 2005.”

Two Approaches
Try this: For every item on your to-do list, add a Siamese entry on your To-Don’t List. The advantage is that you’ll have the need put in language that fits both sides of your motivation strategy – the side that moves you away from pain and problems and the side that gravitates toward the feeling of crossing the finish line.

If you don’t like the Siamese idea, use the To-Don’t List to focus your attention and resources on what must STOPPED if you are to succeed. Think of each thing you must STOP (attitudes, tolerations, work habits, procrastinating on hiring new manager, for example) as a weed that needs to be pulled if you are to have a great harvest.

These two lists won’t lessen all the work that needs doing. But, they can help you, personally, break the habit of doing it all – and build a stronger company.

Forced to Compete Hard

Sometimes events conspire to create a difficult situation. Sometimes things take on a life of their own and you've got to respond firmly. Sometimes you get pushed and pushed and pushed until you finally just say, "Enough. "

Sometimes in those instances you won't be the textbook sample of poise; some competitors are cunning and coy and manipulative. Sometimes you'll get aggravated and draw a line in the sand. And - you decide to compete as hard as you can, marshalling all your resources, calling the people who support and believe in you and who know first-hand your worth, to help shore up your walls against the encroachment of a competitor who is coming with all he's got to beat you. Yes, to beat you - not to collaborate, or partner or be nice. To beat you. And, sometimes you say, "No, not today."

Yes, sometimes you say, "Not today."

I hope after that happens to you, you go to sleep knowing you did your best, and most of it was very good. The bits that weren't will be made better in the coming days. You remember that you're part of a community that values you as much as you value yourself. Remember that you know from walking it every day which road is the high road - in spite of sometimes being dragged to compete on a lower one.

Sleep well knowing you gave it your all - and defended well what was rightfully defended.

Part I - What Are You Growing?

I'm thinking today about the work Activate Potential clients are doing. In particular, I'm hearing a question in my head:

"What are you growing?"

Every client has a long to-do list. Everyone is busy. The beauty to the question, "What are you growing?" is that it goes beyond the to-do list.

A to-do list as long as my arm, keeping a hundred balls in the air, having more work than I can handle are all common descriptions of the current situation. They don't say anything about what is on the to-do list, what balls are being juggled and what work is keeping you busy.

The distinction is between what is happening and what is needed. I know, I know. I've had an allergic reaction to this idea myself. I usually reply, "What is needed is clearing this list!" But, I'm just being defensive. As often as not, I'm so stuck in problems I cannot get to the opportunities. Trouble is - fixing problems is not how companies grow. Taking timely advantage of opportunities is. And my to-do list is very often focused on problems.

Everyone on the plane heading off course is busy, just like the people on the plane heading in the right direction. No matter where you're headed, you're busy.

"What are you growing?" is a strong question, because it focuses your thinking and mind's eye on the flowering garden or harvested field, just as an architect focuses on the grand scheme while drawing the specs for the guest bathroom off the living room.

Next time someone asks you how things are going or, "What have you been up to?" - reply by answering a different question. Tell them about what you are growing. The answer, heard by them and by you, will remind you of your large architectural project. (By the way, a little trick about answering this question: The most important thing is what you hear, not what they hear.)

The question, "What are you growing" will put into the larger context the day to day activities you usually talk about. The result will be seeing both the big picture and the little dots that make it up, simultaneously. It's a great skill to have.

Next week we'll get to what needs weeding out. For now, enjoy focusing on what you are growing. Like a garden wanting fertilizer and water, "What are you growing" is so hungry for strong answers.