What Needs to Happen First?

For a couple months I've been working with a young man in financial services. He's married with one child. He's tired and doesn't smile as much as he'd like. He also drinks more than he knows is healthy and doesn't get enough exercise. Know anyone like that? It's easy to see that he has a big heart, even if it seems a bit weighed down by "practical concerns." He's tired of the ups and downs of commission-based work and hired me to help him "make more money." He recently had two very rich months and wanted to avoid returning to his "average" monthly income.

Usually I don't work with clients who approach me with making money as their main goal. But, our paths crossed in such a way I decided to relax my rule of thumb.

To date I have not kept him from returning to his average monthly income. So, I guess for the typical success assessor you'd call my work a failure. Except for this:

Today he said, "You know, it's funny. I hired you to help me make more money and what I've gotten is healthier and more spiritual."

I immediately interpreted that as a compliment. I felt like I'd affected him near the core of his life. He didn't mean it as a compliment, per se. Then I felt worried that the primary goal was not reached and that made me a failure in his eyes. But, he didn't mean that either. When I inquired what this realization meant for him, he said he was just observing without judging it as good or bad.

That is a peculiar response, I thought. Peculiar, indeed. Most of the businesspeople I meet are intensely judgmental and focused on achieving their stated goals. They either reach them or they don't. I either helped them or I didn't.

But, what happens when the goal is not the work to be attended to first? What happens when the goal is a by-product of other decisions, processes and systems? What happens when the primary goal - the thing the client presents the coach with - is not what needs attention and care first? What then? What happens when a goal is not getting nearer despite ongoing conversations about prospecting, managing employees, time blocking and all that jazz? What's the issue when what is on the list of things that can help him make the money he wants keeps going undone?

The answer is simple; something is off kilter in another area of his life. And that's what we have spent the last month and half on. Where his motivation comes from. External motivators (like money, by the way) are not enough to keep him focused and happy. His motivation flows from someplace else - spirituality. But, until now, his spiritual practices and food and drink intake have been separate in his mind from what he achieves at work. But, for this client, that line of thinking is like saying that smoking in one section of a plane has no effect on the others.

So, this terrific guy, this father, husband, friend and professional is dismantling the dam that blocks the flow of his intrinsic motivation to perform at a high level, by attending to areas not commonly associated with business. Money is still an important goal, but he's coming to see it as a way of measuring how well he serves his clients, how well he relates with them, understands their financial dilemmas, hopes, needs, desires and fears, solves their problems and helps them feel safe, confident and secure about their futures, by way of his company's products.

If you are considering me to help you accelerate your success, I hope you can hear what I'm saying; I want you to be as financially prosperous and materially successful as you dream about. Six figures. Seven, whatever you want. I do. I also want you to be healthy and spiritually connected - in such a way that both infuse you with energy and inspire you during every waking moment at work. That's what I want for you. If you want to look at those core dimensions of success I say, Let's go. We've got work to do.

If you find yourself rather fixated on the numbers to the exclusion of the other two areas, remember that figures are lagging indicators of what's really going on. Look at your problems holistically. Look all around, not just at the scoreboard. The numbers tell you that there's a problem. They don't necessarily tell you what is the problem. Take a look at what's powering the scoreboard.

I wish you tremendous success and deep fulfillment.

Peace Out.

Seeing It All

If Spring explodes
Into colors,
And aromas,
And warm sunlight
One day;
If the crocuses,
And daffodils seem to
Pop up suddenly,
And the robin’s breast
Arrests our attention,
It’s because
We’ve trained our eyes
On the threshold
Where drama lives.
But, this Spring didn’t spring.
It inched up to radiance,
Through long silence,
And blackness,
And cold.

Copyright © David C Facer Jr. All rights reserved.

Hey Man, Where You Been?

I remember when I was a kid and the phone rang, I was excited to answer it. In the days before Caller ID, it was, for the most part, an exciting and, more often than not, welcome interruption in my home routine.

Of course there were stretches of time when I and a friend were in a spat or had permanently fallen out or I had broken up with someone who kept calling and calling and calling. Those calls were not happily anticipated or answered. But, for the most part, I answered the phone eagerly.

I used to get the mail with the same eagerness. Not that much came for me; I saw my friends every day so no postcards arrived from exotic locales around the world. Birthdays were about the only time I anticipated something exciting in the mail for me. But, getting the mail was still sort of exciting, like a miniature treasure hunt.

Today the phone rings, I screen the call and let the speaker talk to a wall in voicemail, unless it's someone I want to speak with. Used to be, if someone wanted to speak with me and I picked up, we talked.

Yesterday I went to the main San Diego post office to pick up a stack of mail I had allowed to clog my box to the point the post office stopped delivering. I had not picked it up in about a week. It's all bills, supermarket flyers and Realtor postcards anyway.

Today I get about 50 emails a day - some from clients, some from classmates, some for solutions to physical problems I don't have and hopefully won't, and some from friends wondering where the heck I have been.

One email came in from a former client who has become a friend. She did some amazing work over two years to transform her life and career to suit her needs while simultaneously honoring her most cherished relationships. She's an amazing woman.

The problem, though, was I read her email and felt a pang of oppression, like, Oh, shoot, add that conversation to my list of things to do. How unfortunate.

I now spend more effort and emotional energy scheduling and rescheduling phone calls and email replies with friends than I do in the conversations and on the emails. Used to be we'd have the conversation or send the letter and keep in close touch easily, without feeling tired, stressed or put-upon.

In short, I have allowed the pace, tone and temperament of a commercial culture and work life penetrate and alter the pace, tone and temperament of my private relationships. Small excitements like the wonder of who is calling, or what might be in the mailbox today have morphed into hassles of one more call to answer or one more sales pitch to dodge.

I wonder if this sense of ugh and stress doesn't permeate all my relationships, business and personal alike. I bet it does.

So this question just popped into my head: What is the point of being busy and achieving if it makes me more alone?

Seriously, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this question. It seems to me in our zeal for achievement we end up with relationships built on shorter and shorter interaction and less and less depth. Is that what we're going for?